Stress Response Cycle

Once upon a time humans were adapted to run or fight when they encountered predators, there is also a freeze response that is triggered when our body senses there is no way out of the situation. If we watch the nature channel we can see gazelles running from lions but once they are caught they will freeze or just stop fighting. These same patterns of response are hardwired into us. The only difference is that most of the time our fight or flight response is getting triggered when we’re not actually having to outrun a predator but just sitting in our office after an unpleasant conversation with a coworker. What happens then is that we are left with this nervous energy and adrenaline just sitting within us and not getting discharged. Some of our work is finding ways to physically release that pent up stress and complete the stress response cycle. For some people and some situations that’s yogic breathing, other people or situations need a good run to fully discharge.

Triggers within a relationship

Do you find yourself ‘overreacting’ in arguments? Or feeling out of control with your emotional response? It’s never just about getting the wrong brand orange juice. Flooding is a phenomenon that can happen during arguments, it’s when your flight or fight response is triggered and the blood rushes from the prefrontal cortex to your extremities… preparing you to fight or run. However, when the blood leaves the prefrontal cortex, the decision making center of your brain, you are no longer able to have rational arguments...you’re flooded with your emotional responses. So what does this mean for therapy?

Well, together we explore the situations that are triggering that response in you and look at the historical development of the response: are you feeling unheard? Unimportant? Did this happen in childhood or previous relationships? Or even repetitively in this relationship? Everyone has unhealed relational wounds that are vulnerable and they can trigger a quick response when brushed. Our work is around understanding why we have the wounds and sensitivities that we do and what we can do to intentionally heal them. Within the relationship, we want our partners to understand and be aware of our unhealed wounds so that they can tread softly around them; that being said ultimately our triggers are our own and it is our responsibility to learn how to manage them and heal them. 

Creating new neural pathways

If we think of the brain as a series of roads; some are multi-and highways with overpasses due to thee amount of use they get, some are simple, one lane, dirt roads riddled with pot holes because we rarely travel down them and some are not even made yet. One of our goals in therapy is to create new neural pathways for our thoughts, emotions and behaviors. To do that we have to start from scratch, on an open unplowed field. The first time we travel down that path the grass will have indents, by the hundredth time we travel down it there will be a dirt trail to follow, by the millionth time we drive down it, there will be a highway. 

Why do we want to create new neural pathways? Because sometimes our current ones aren’t working for us anymore. That automatic self doubt that comes up when we feel the slightest bit of rejection, the overly sensitive flight or fight switch that gets flipped when we’re in a new social environment - we can work together to reprogram those responses, to provide relief from social anxiety, self doubt, negative self-talk, etc. To rewire the brain we introduce new responses that the brain can accept ie: we might not be able to replace “I hate my body” with “I love my body” because your brain wont believe it; but we may be able to convince the brain that “I might not be one hundred percent happy with my physical appearance right now, but I sure as hell am not going to let that stop me from living my life!” After time, the new phrase replaces the automatic negative one and we internalize the message; creating a new highway in our brain. Rewiring our brain takes time, practice and intentionality but creating a new road map is well worth the effort when our old one is no longer serving us.